Before therapy, before targets, before anything else written in a plan, come three unglamorous things: regular meals, good sleep and predictable days. In our homes these are treated as the foundations of everything, because that is what they are.
A child who arrives with us has often lived through chaos. Mealtimes that happened or did not. Nights spent alert instead of asleep. Days where nobody knew what was coming next. A body and brain that have adapted to unpredictability do not switch off just because the address has changed. Calm has to be learned, and it is learned through repetition.
So the rhythm of our homes is deliberately boring, in the best way. Breakfast happens at breakfast time. Dinner is cooked and eaten together, at a table, most nights. Bedtimes follow routines built with each child: a bath, a book, low light, the same goodnight. The week has a shape, and children know what it is. Surprises are kept for good things.
The science behind this is well established: sleep, nutrition and routine are the ground floor of emotional regulation. But you do not need the science to see it. Give a child a fortnight of proper sleep and regular meals and you are often looking at a different child: calmer, funnier, more able to learn and to cope when something goes wrong.
This is also why we protect the ordinary fiercely. A difficult afternoon does not cancel dinner together. A hard week does not unravel the weekend plan. Whatever else happens, the steady things stay steady, because for many of our children this is the first time life has kept its promises on the small things.
Get the quiet foundations right and the ambitious work has something to stand on. Skip them, and nothing else holds.
